A Trip to Target

I frequent Target.  By frequent I mean go at least once a week.  This  glorious mecca of food items, affordable clothing, lip gloss, toys, books, children's underwear and hair dye calls to me.  Whispers my name as I drive by. The giant red bullseye beats in a gentle but mind washing rhythm that says come...come...come...

So I go.  You probably have heard me there.  I am the one with the squeaky cart.  Always.  No matter how much careful cart inspection and re-con I do, it finds me.  Mister Squeaky Wheel  finds me.  I like to park next to the cart return. It's my spot.  I'm kind of a nut about that. Please leave it open for me next time you go. I don't like leaving the kids in the car and walking away to return the cart but I also hate to leave the cart alone in  the lot without a safe home.  I am nut ball, this I am sure of.  I also like to go at 10am. When Target is mostly full of other Mommies on Missions such as myself.  No one wants to chat.  We are all business.

The Target which I frequent (i.e. live in) is in the town I went to both grammar and high school in.  I do not have the luxury of rolling up in there looking like I just woke up.  This will guarantee me a run in with somebody who knows me.  I have to at the very least thrown on some lip gloss and a headband.  I dream someday of a pajama clad stroll through Target.  Hair disheveled.  A little crust in the corner of my eyes.  A nice pillow crease on the left side of my face. But alas, it evades me.

Then there is my Target companion.  A two year old boy.  He is a good companion.  Not terribly fussy today.  He has decided that we should announce with gusto and panache  each and every number, letter and color we walk past. "Three!  Yeah Three!  Sebben!  Yeeeeah Sebben!  A! Red! Yelloooooow!"  This is the boy who did not say a word until he had tubes but in his ears last fall so he can jibber jabber all day long.  It does my heart good.  He has decided today that the hood on his dark blue moose sweatshirt should remain up as we peruse the aisles.  Hie looks a little like he may shop lift a Weeble Wobble with this whole hood thing going on.  But he's cute, he wins, hood stays up.

We pass the $8 t-shirts.  I need a new white one.  I always need a new white one.  My dear friend KellyAnn has passed her gift of spilling food onto me and I swear I may start wearing a bib full time.  The winter clothes are now 70% off but there is nothing I can't live without.  I spy the flip flops wall.  It beckons me like the promise of Spring.  So many bright colors and pretty floral patterns. I only succumb to one pair.  Size 11.  Yeah for big foot, she found a pair.  As we pass the book section my blackberry buzzes and our Book Club selection for April is in....and not in Target....poop.  That really would have been too easy.  Next is the toy area.  The poor 4th kid gets all the hand me down toys.   I sneak through as fast as possible and find an alphabet toy on clearance.  Score one for the kid in the hoodie.

Twenty minutes are alloted to the pantry/food department.  We need cake mix, milk, juice boxes, plastic spoons for lunch boxes, blah blah blah...oh what's that you say coffee aisle...you have Kahlua Flavored Coffee in the Keurig K-Cups....don't mind if I do.  Cough medicine, hair dye and nail polish....oh crap, baby wipes.  The whole reason we came to Target is that we need baby wipes.

One hour later we are at the register.  I have of course picked up an item without a price tag.  It is my gift in life.  It will be the only sport I will Gold Medal in once I can convince the Olympic Panel it's a viable sport.  We check out and head home, victorious.

Me and the hoodie kid are proud of ourselves.  We ran through the alphabet twenty three, maybe twenty four times.  We remember to stop and pick up the pre-school dude on the way home, which is always a bonus.  We have to lug all these treasures in the house now.  Lay them out on the counter and survey our newly acquired riches.  We are like modern day pirates.  Arrrghhhhhhhhhh.....flying the flag of surrender.  You won again Target.  But we'll be back. We will try again to buy one item.  And we will loose.